The Garden State is in the throes of a naming contest, but this time, it’s not a finger-pointing, mud-slinging naming game. Tired of being the butt of jokes from people who have never been here and snobby New Yorkers who trek in every Saturday to take advantage of the tax-free shopping, the state is shopping around for a new image and is hoping the right slogan will do the trick. An invitation from the state government to submit suggestions yielded more than 6,000 responses. Some of them included:
“New Jersey: You Got a Problem With That?”
“NJ: How You Doin’?”
“Bada Bing! Choose New Jersey”
“New Jersey, Come Glow With Us”
And “Most of Our Elected Officials Have Not Been Indicted.”
As The Associated Press put it recently, the submissions attempted “to sum up the land of Bruce Springsteen, ‘The Sopranos,’ and smelly interstates in one pithy phrase.”
The NJ tourist board has been using “Get Away, Without Going Far Away,” only to discover that there were two kinds of people who populate the state, those who never go anywhere, and those who go away and don’t return. Since that one didn’t resonate, my husband and I had some suggestions:
“New Jersey, Home of the First Openly Gay Governor”
“New Jersey, Fabulous Since August 2004” (when our gay governor opened up that he was gay)
“New Jersey, Why the Hell Not”?”
“New Jersey, Where Big Hair Never Goes Out of Style”
“New Jersey, Because We’re Better Than Alabama”
Hopefully, the tourist board will find something that works and soon. After all, where else can you find cardboard cutouts of a smiling Frank Sinatra selling bagels? I mean, we’re running out of draws here to lure the hesitant travelers who would rather just skip New Jersey and head straight to Manhattan. Why enjoy the Rockettes this Christmas when you can watch the sexy legs of middle-aged hookers crossing the street in Fort Lee? The Miss America Pageant is now leaving for Las Vegas after 84 years in Atlantic City. What’s next? Filming James Galdofini in Iowa?